Why

Why do I screw everything up?
I didn't realize what a bitch i had been till it was brought to my attention..and now that is has I feel awful.....for everyone i've hurt mainly devin.....I just wish that I could change everything or leave like I have planned and wanted to So-oo many times.....I mean Duh i have fmaily all over....florida, virginia, portland, idaho, california, and I know just about all of them would be happy to have me.....but my parents want me here....maybe if I could transfer schools? i'll have to talk to them about that?......when I talked to devin today...we got eachothers words mixed up and I got the impression he hated me, until I talked to him an got it figured out I went to Sem 4th period and just talked to Rachel and cried about the whole time.....luckily it was snowing so when I went inside people just though my mascera was smeared cuz of that luckily they didn't know man would that have brought up some questions..... and If I would have had to talk about it I probably would have started bawling again........gosh I don't even know why i'm writing on here..........NO one ever reads it and DEVIN if you do i'm SERIOUSLY NOT trying to put you on a guilt trip.......its not that I don't like you its just I don't feel the same way about you...who knows maybe i will again but I just dont' right now i'm sorry..i was happy for you when you got a g/f.....i'm sorry that didn't work out, by the way...... I honestly don't know what to do about us...it would be easiest if we just completely sined eachother off but I don't think I want that I just don't know what to do....I don't think i'll use this like ever again,,,it gets me into trouble..I just have to get my journal back from Jenna's house I keep forgetting it so screw this cuz i'm just getting into trouble ~BYE~ to whoever may read this